The Fucklift

In this day and age of zero fucks given we’re here to boldly stand against the tide. We at Subversion Magazine have all the fucks to give. We have so many fucks we need a fucklift to carry them all around and stack them in our fuck warehouse before we distribute them.

Late at night around the old warehouse when the beers have been cracked open and the buttrock is playing real low we look around at all the fucks we have stacked up; we look over the work orders of all the fucks we’ve given before, and we have to wonder: has it made any difference?

What’s the current market value of a given fuck?

One must figure they’re of relatively high worth as no one is generally seen giving them away and to be quite honest we’re not sure how we got hold of so many of them – but we know they deserve to be free!

It’s no easy job. Giving a fuck in these modern times is sure to bring consequences, whether it be just feeling bad that you can’t do more to help others or obligating yourself to misery you don’t deserve just because you do in fact care more than you probably should – and as with many problems, therein lies the solution.

We have to change the way we’ve always given fucks! We can’t operate from a position of fuck scarcity. If everyone has all the fucks no one ever has to worry about going to bed without one again.

The problem has arisen because we’ve come to depend on our fucks for purposes to which they were never intended. For years now we’ve squandered our fucks with abandoned on every half hearted cause that’s come along, and social media has compounded this effect by exposing us to an ever increasing amount of things we are compelled to direct our fucks toward.

Lost dog? Give a fuck. Neighbors bake sale? Yep. Sports team you don’t even follow? Yeah, you better get a dose of that too! And we’re conditioned to feel, to believe as though our very consciousness of the topic as emoted by changing our profile identity makes any difference at all…

You see it’s good to care and it’s fine to give a fuck but ultimately what you’ve got to realize is that none of it matters. Not to them. Not to you. Not to the cold unfeeling universe. The secret here is it’s not the fucks you give that count, it’s what happens to them once they’re out there in the wild. You can give a fuck, you can totally 157% care about something and apply yourself to making it better in your understanding of the word, and it not matter one single mote. Might as well try to push back the tide with a broom. The person you are trying to help likely won’t notice; if they do they likely won’t appreciate it for anything more than a passing moment. The thing you were trying to improve certainly won’t take note and in the end all you’ll have is one less fuck to give, which truly may be the way that so many of us end up experiencing NSF (non-sufficient fucks) before we’ve even reached middle age. Isn’t that the whole point of “no fucks given”?

So whattaya do? You can’t not really not give any fucks, ever, about everything, forever. Even total narcissists give a fuck about themselves. Even nihilists give a fuck about nothing, they just won’t admit to it when other nihilists are around.

You’ve likely heard the phrase by now “save your fucks for the magical things” and we completely agree with that! It truly may be the only hope we have for returning a modicum of balance to the fuck market that has spiraled out of control since the mid 90’s.

Honestly, it should be somewhat easy to do. Awesome, magical things are getting fewer and farther between by the day it would seem, or at least concentrating up into selected regions.

Consider the circumstances…Let’s be real, everyday life on average is a non-stop wheel of fuckery. The mundane day to day things really shouldn’t even get a pass, but we don’t live in a black and white world either, and sometimes you have to take special consideration.

Is it something beyond the normal fuckaree of daily life? Is the fuck in question needed by a friend or loved one? If so these are all reasons to consider giving away your beloved fucks.

Give a Fuck but don’t seek approval…yeah, that one is hard isn’t it? You need to care enough to give a fuck, but don’t do it just to please others or to win their favor. It’s easy to give a fuck about something when you’re getting some of that sweet glory, getting to wear that shiny members button, and when people support what you’re doing. Giving a fuck when no one cares? Giving a fuck because it’s what’s needed? Man, that’s where you find out what you’re really made of, and if you can’t manage it you very well may find yourself years later having lived a life of fucks given for purposes that weren’t even your own.

Ultimately, the high of approval doesn’t last and the bliss of helping others is a fast-fading buzz at best that creates a behavior of constantly seeking the next success destination that may not exist.

So build a life you can be proud of, for you! Understand that while you have to care about some things in life at no point are you obligated to live any aspect of it to please anyone other than yourself. Other people’s opinions don’t pay your bills while you’re alive and when the final curtain falls only the fucks you cared enough to give away will mean anything in the dark when the footlights fade.

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